Sorry for not posting .
I only can say my endurance have reached the max .
Sorry eileen that she seen my fcuking bad side .
But it seems like i cant control my actions , feelings anymore .
I regret going to the chalet .
I would never be your dog if i didnt go to the chalet .
I can promise not to hurt you .
I can promise not to show you tantrums sometime .
But i cant promise you to not hurt myself .
I cant promise any of you not even my parents not even my friends .
If you see my face or my upper arms any bruises , is not him who did it .
But me . Yes .
I cant hold my tantrums anymore .
I only can hit myself and cry .
I cant do other things to cool myself down anymore .
Im not the cool headed person i am .
I used to put on a mask to hide everything .
But i cant do it anymore .
Sorry if i cry .
Sorry for anything i cause .
I dont deserve anything at all .
Im just living bcuz i got no courage to die .
If i die den i will only will i be truly happy .
I can join my dearest .
I wish i have courage to die .
Simply nothing matters .
Not even abit .
I'll try .
I know there's a way i have de courage to die but i need someone .
With his help sure , i'll die .
Hehe , it will surely work .
For those who didnt know .
I was even surprised with myself .
That day i went to the chalet .
I really went crazy .
I cried but for awhile i smiled .
I was crazy .
But these thing will slowly surface up if i continue living .
So people pray hard that i die faster or else you will see crazy people .
I dont want to live anymore (:
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